This is a deeper & longer post than usual. It was a task on my 101 in 1001 list, and I completed it. I am proud, and sharing it with you.
My parents divorced when I was a year old. Growing up, I did not see my father much because he was in and out of jail my entire life.
He is a loving, caring, kind man with a huge heart but he has made some very bad decisions in his life, and continues to do so to this day. He is currently sitting in a jail cell.
My dad has broken my heart my whole life. Every time I got the phone call from my grandma, saying he was in jail again, my heart shattered. And every time he got out, he would tell me the same things... 'He's going to turn his life around, and make better decisions. If not for himself, then for me.. He did not want to see me hurting anymore.' I have yet to see him make any effort to change.
He and I have been communicating through mail on a regular basis. He writes me telling me how he is reading the bible everyday, going to bible study, and putting his life in God's hands. This is something I heard every single time he was in jail before. Because I wanted him to stay in high spirits, I always just said 'I'm so proud of you, Dad. I think you're really going to turn your life around this time.'
Until about two months ago.
I finally had enough of hearing the same crap over and over and over again and never seeing any improvements from him. I have realized recently that it is not the same as it was when I was a child. I am an adult now. I have children, and a husband. I have my whole family to worry about, not just myself. Keeping in touch with my Dad could eventually hurt my children. I don't want them getting really close with him, only to find out he has been put back in jail and will be there for a while. I have lived that, and it is not fun. I look at it like this... If my father doesn't want to be a better man, he doesn't deserve to be a part of my children's lives.
This is the point where I realized I needed to tell him how I was really feeling. Not put a mask on and pretend like everything is okay like I've always done in the past. So that's what I did. I sat down and wrote him a long, emotional letter telling him exactly how I felt about him and the choices he has made. I told him that it's not just about me anymore, my children deserve better from their grandfather. & if he isn't willing to change, then I am willing to just walk away.
I've been there for him his whole life, with nothing but positive thoughts and encouragement. I am done pretending everything is okay. I want him to make some serious changes.
It has been two months of no response from him. I haven't gotten a single letter from him since I mailed out my last one. About a week ago, I decided I would send him a few pictures of the kids. I did not mention the long letter I sent him before, I just sent him a few pictures and told him I loved him.
I checked the mail yesterday, and had received a letter from him. It was short and sweet and didn't directly mention my letter to him, but I know he got it and read it because he mentioned some things indirectly. I hope I got through to him in this letter, but I guess only time will tell. Until then, I will continue to pray for him. At least I have expressed to him how I feel, and now all I can do is hope for the best.
Write Dad a letter, telling him how I feel.
My parents divorced when I was a year old. Growing up, I did not see my father much because he was in and out of jail my entire life.
He is a loving, caring, kind man with a huge heart but he has made some very bad decisions in his life, and continues to do so to this day. He is currently sitting in a jail cell.
My dad has broken my heart my whole life. Every time I got the phone call from my grandma, saying he was in jail again, my heart shattered. And every time he got out, he would tell me the same things... 'He's going to turn his life around, and make better decisions. If not for himself, then for me.. He did not want to see me hurting anymore.' I have yet to see him make any effort to change.
He and I have been communicating through mail on a regular basis. He writes me telling me how he is reading the bible everyday, going to bible study, and putting his life in God's hands. This is something I heard every single time he was in jail before. Because I wanted him to stay in high spirits, I always just said 'I'm so proud of you, Dad. I think you're really going to turn your life around this time.'
Until about two months ago.
I finally had enough of hearing the same crap over and over and over again and never seeing any improvements from him. I have realized recently that it is not the same as it was when I was a child. I am an adult now. I have children, and a husband. I have my whole family to worry about, not just myself. Keeping in touch with my Dad could eventually hurt my children. I don't want them getting really close with him, only to find out he has been put back in jail and will be there for a while. I have lived that, and it is not fun. I look at it like this... If my father doesn't want to be a better man, he doesn't deserve to be a part of my children's lives.
This is the point where I realized I needed to tell him how I was really feeling. Not put a mask on and pretend like everything is okay like I've always done in the past. So that's what I did. I sat down and wrote him a long, emotional letter telling him exactly how I felt about him and the choices he has made. I told him that it's not just about me anymore, my children deserve better from their grandfather. & if he isn't willing to change, then I am willing to just walk away.
I've been there for him his whole life, with nothing but positive thoughts and encouragement. I am done pretending everything is okay. I want him to make some serious changes.
It has been two months of no response from him. I haven't gotten a single letter from him since I mailed out my last one. About a week ago, I decided I would send him a few pictures of the kids. I did not mention the long letter I sent him before, I just sent him a few pictures and told him I loved him.
I checked the mail yesterday, and had received a letter from him. It was short and sweet and didn't directly mention my letter to him, but I know he got it and read it because he mentioned some things indirectly. I hope I got through to him in this letter, but I guess only time will tell. Until then, I will continue to pray for him. At least I have expressed to him how I feel, and now all I can do is hope for the best.
